I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize