Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize