In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize