my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
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Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
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Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize