things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
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