did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
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Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
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A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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