just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
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We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
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Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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