I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize