First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I wear drunk well.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize