So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize