All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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