I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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