So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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