All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize