Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize