After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
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he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
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You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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