don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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