OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
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So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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