just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
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he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
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So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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