I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
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Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
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Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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