I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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