So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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