She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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