dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
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She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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