her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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