North Korea, Best Korea!
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
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So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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