last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
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This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
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