i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize