Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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