these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
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I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
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I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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