my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I have already put on my inside pants.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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