its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
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Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
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GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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