Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize