The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
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My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
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Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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