If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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