I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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