The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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