I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
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does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
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there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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