I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
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well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
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You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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