Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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