Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
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We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
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Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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