My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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