when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she pinky promised me she was 18
it's great music for shaving your balls
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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