So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
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There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
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Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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