Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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