Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
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What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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