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is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
porn star boner night. come get it.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
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