Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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