I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
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I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
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I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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