I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize